Today I Would Live

Written by Shelley Barski

I looked up at the open window on the corner of 15th Street and Elm—the one with curtains the color of daffodils in springtime. An old woman's face emerged from the shadows of the room behind her. She stood at the sill for a moment and took in a deep breath. She looked out over the city and her mouth curled into a slight smile. She then closed the window and disappeared back into the darkness.

I don't know why I looked at that window on this particular fall morning, but the serenity on the woman's face intrigued me. I did not know what it felt like to be at peace. There had been turmoil burning inside of me for as long as I could remember. When I looked around, I could feel an aching world—an ache that ran deeper everyday.

As I walked down the sidewalk, lifting my coat collar to shield me from the wind and feeling the rush of the city whirling around me, I stopped without warning. A couple of pedestrians behind me nearly toppled over and glared at me as they passed. I was going to work, but why? Besides the money, there really was no reason. I didn't enjoy it. In fact, most days I downright loathed it. I found a bench and sat down, watching the mass of people trudging to their various offices.

I was closer to the window now. I imagined the old woman was enjoying a cup of tea, listening to music, and then going to the park for a walk. A small white dove was fluffing its feathers on the sill. Then strangely enough, the dove sat up and flew straight towards the bench I was sitting on. I could've sworn it was staring at me as it landed next to me. Its head darted back and forth feverishly as if awaiting an inevitable attack. I looked around but nothing seemed to be pursuing the little bird. I empathized with the poor thing for I often felt its paranoia. We sat on the bench together for a while.

The streets were loud as busses passed and cabs honked. I heard a baby's cry echoing down the concrete hallways. But something about the day was different. It was deeply beautiful, even if the clouds were bloated with rain -- even though exhaust filled my nostrils.

The dove cooed and looked at me. Then another dove swooped down and landed next to him. In an instant they flew off together towards the nearby trees that seemed to have transformed from green to gold. Other trees were adorned with rubies and topaz. I got up and walked down the sidewalk towards the park. Today the jeweled trees sang with the birds and beckoned me to traverse their emerald corridors. Today the city’s cries were muted for a while. I would go to work tomorrow. Today I would live.

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