The Setting Sun - Page 2

From philosophy to science to history I obsessively researched and gathered and tried to prove that there was no way both science and Christianity could be true. Yet the more I searched, the more I realized that science, philosophy and history actually supported the claims of Christianity. And thanks to the works of C.S. Lewis, I had reached a moment where I suddenly drew back…and just stopped.

I believed that Christianity was the truth.

The revelation scared me. I believed, yes, but giving my heart to Jesus freaked me out. I had done it when I was 10 years old, but now, I wasn’t sure what would happen to me. Surely giving my life to Jesus meant I would have to give him all I had achieved -- my job offer, my degrees, my Jimmy Choos, and, sigh, the man I had waited for all of my life.

Betting everything on the cross and not knowing what would happen in return scared me. I couldn’t just sacrifice everything like that.

I pondered the decision for days.

The Logic of Faith

Back in Clovis, at my parents’ house, I dug up my childhood Bible. There on the inside cover, just a little girl, I had written a verse:

Faith is being sure of what you hope for and certain of what you do not see. Hebrews 11:1

I realized that I was wiser at age 10 than I had been at 27. God could have engraved the Ten Commandments on the moon for me to see, but if God were to declare himself beyond our ability to reject him, then he would be forcing himself on us and that wouldn't be love at all.

God knew that true love is a choice, a choice that cannot be made with the sharpest of minds but only with the faith of a heart. Giving him my heart meant, taking a step of faith and betting everything I had on the cross. Although I couldn’t see what would happen with my life, I had to be “sure of what I hoped for and certain of what I did not see.”

Crossing the Jordan

It was on Coast Boulevard in the La Jolla Cove, with another sun setting before me, where I found myself on the brink of crossing the Jordan. I started to pray…..and slowly I began to bet my all on the cross…

“Jesus, I give you everything," I said. "I give you my degrees, my job offer, my future, my friends, my lifestyle… You are in control now... I will follow wherever you lead me…”

There was still one last sacrifice to be made, though, and this one would hurt the worst.